North Korea, Best Korea!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
