I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
