I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
