i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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