I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
