I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize