i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
