Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How's work?
Spinning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
