i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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