Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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