worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
