All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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