He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
