..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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