I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
