First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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