Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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