So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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