on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
