They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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