What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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