it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize