he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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