how can u be prego again
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
