some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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