just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
