Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
