just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
