Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
