For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
