we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
