At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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