i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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