I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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