you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
