who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
