Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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