i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
COCAINE IS GR8
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
