I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
