No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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