im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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