So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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