College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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