When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The uberlube is also flammable
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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