Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
