This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
