When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
