I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
