I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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