ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
