Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
