No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize