I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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