So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
