Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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