so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
