Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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