From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
