Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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