mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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