I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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