plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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