I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
