Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize