meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
