just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
