It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
