I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
