Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
