I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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