best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
