I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
